i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
