He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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