im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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