i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We had sex on a dog bed..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
