Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
