i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
