so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
