some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
