He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
