She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
