i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
