That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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