I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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