May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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