he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
