How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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