My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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