So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
