Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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