just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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