are you still at the devil's house?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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