you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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