so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Boobs are out for the taking
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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