i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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