Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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