words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
