At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think I just sharted jello shots
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