Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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