is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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