Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
