she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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