So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
