oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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