I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The best revenge is premature balding
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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