I think i peed on brittanys purse
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
