you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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