Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
