My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
