Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
