also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
