WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
