why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
