Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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