Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
