is your mom at the bar?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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