So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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