i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
