Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
