I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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