Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
