apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sext me about skeletons
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
