I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
