Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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