I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
