well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
