At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
zippers are such a cool invention
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
