So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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