Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
