I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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