so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you win again, gameday.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
