So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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