I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
