he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
