chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
