i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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