Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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