I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
