Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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