Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
