Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
