He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
