I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
