I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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