My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
