I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.