Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
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Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go