I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We got so high we made milksteak
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me