Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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