thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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