i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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